remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
