i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
