Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
