dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
