I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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