Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
