do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
