There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's the barista slut.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
