Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
