69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
