ya dads aren't the best wingmen
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
