I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
