I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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