So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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