Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he thought i was a dude.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
