He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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