he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
