She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
