Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
