How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm passing your future prison.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
