I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i love accidental penises.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
