dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
