i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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