I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
