The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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