It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
