just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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