I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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