I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize