your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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