i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We named our party play list daddy issues
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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