my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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