OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
