bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize