they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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