If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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