I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize