i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
