Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
