ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
