we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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