I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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