I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I enjoy the company of your penis
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