8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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