You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
