So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
