we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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