2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
