What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
