This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
