she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
