Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize