Just took my morning after pill in the library
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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