that's an acceptable place to lick
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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