I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize