Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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