oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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