And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
