She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
