so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
