I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
