I bet he comes in French.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
