I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
