My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
