Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
