i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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